Why I refused to be with Prince Charming


Photo by Emily Burtner

So I met a guy. We clicked somehow. Spent a lot of time together and it was exciting to say the least. We kissed, we fell asleep together.

He cares about me and likes to show it in public, too. He gives me forehead kisses and lets me lay on his lap on a bench in the park. He gives me compliments and tries to build my confidence and he listens to my kind of music now. He listens to what I say and catches everything I say. He doesn’t mind that I’m a broken girl and that most of the times I'm just mental. He calls me cute and girlfriend and treats me well. And I think he’s someone I deserve because he treats me like a princess and takes care of me when I’m sick.

The thing is I think my head is telling me yes when my heart is taking a step back. And that's a first for me. I’m not entirely sure why that is but I think we don’t click personality wise. We're so different. I think this might be based on attraction and infatuation rather than love. I think I like him because he’s so much boyfriend material that all girls would kill to have someone like him and because he does things that I could only dream of someone doing for me. I think I like him for the things he does for me, how he acts and not exactly because of how he makes me feel or how I feel about him personally.

If I were to create a playlist for him there’s nothing that comes to mind. And that's a pretty big sign for me because I've most likely created a playlist for everyone really meaningful in my life. I mean of course you could grow into a relationship. But if anyone asked why I like him, nothing personal comes to mind, nothing that isn’t coming from a selfish place, other than that he’s a responsible person and caring and kind.

I think I will have to refuse Prince Charming this time because it wouldn’t be fair and probably wouldn’t live for too long anyway. I want to be honest with myself and I feel like I am at a point where I’m growing and for that I need independence. As a dear friend of mine said to me a week ago, I shouldn’t settle if I'm not 100% sure and then regret not experiencing enough for the rest of my life.

Maybe he was Prince Charming but just not the one. 

Until then – tell me I'm not crazy,

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