Reading Will Darbyshire's "This Modern Love" inspired me to write my own letter to the person I feel most connected to but cannot be with. And instead of keeping it in my belongings of my future past, I've decided to actually send it to him.
I have no idea how he will react but I will have to find out. And with that, I'm sending along a mixtape that I've gradually made for him. It's more of a playlist with songs added each at a time.
And then there's also this poster of his favourite band that I got twice as a present. I'm keeping one for me and giving one to him. He thinks he's receiving some kind of surprise gift but it is more of a pile of feelings that I'd build for him and hell, am I curious about his reaction.
Well, this is what I wrote him. (Lower case intended.)
hello. i suck at writing letters and i hope you'll be able to read all this because i know it is going to be a lot and i don't really want to write it all over again.
i mean i don't know when we'll see each other again and i didn't want to text you all this and i didn't want to tell you over the phone because i'd rather get a full, thought out reaction than having to guess it. so i guess here you go.
the most important thing first: i like you. i always did and i still do and maybe i always will.
but it's not the obvious "i like you" although it is quite obvious as i am telling you this. i just mean that i don't really know what kind of "i like you" it is.
you know, sometimes you drive me insane. and then when we meet, everything makes sense. and then you'll confuse me and i'll confuse myself. and then i think, hey, we could be something really really great, and then i'd hit myself on the head and go, stop it, you're not seeing it the same way.
and i'm probably wasting my time and i know that, i know that i might be wasting my time but then again, i don't think i am. i'm not even waiting for you. this thing between us just ... happens. and i'm not hung up on you, i don't think. i just haven't met anyone else i would want to waste my time with.
and you just mean something to me and that goes further than my selfishness.
i don't really know what i want to say with this letter. maybe that i believe that if it's meant to happen, then it will happen. whatever that may be.
in love, friendship, what the hell,
Have you ever written a letter to your crush? What is something you wish you could finally tell them?
Until then - stay brave,